THE RATASS GAZETTE

Hi, yourself. Jerk.  Oh? You didn't realize I have been up for hours working on my computer stuff?  I was sitting there in my room. I was trying to concentrate...okay?  I maximize my time. Maximize . Maximization, shit-head. Uh, yes. I do know what that fucking word means. Taking care of business , that's what it fucking means. Look it up, Billy. Pfft... Billy ...what are you, a fucking 7 year-old?  A God-Damned, 33 year-old " man " named Billy ... Either way, it's something you wouldn't even know about... You don't need to "Google" anything, asshole. What the fuck are you doing anyway? Making a fucking mess , it looks like.  No...seriously...go right on ahead...let's use the paper-towels that I bought. Wiping up butchered, animal meat and blood...why not?  Remember, I'm just a fucking vegetarian .  You know, completely opposed to the cruel living conditions And the insanely, inhumane treatment of animals...

Goddamn-It-To-Heaven...there he is. What in the fucking Hell are ya looking for? You can see where I'm pointing, right? You have to fucking turn all the way around and look directly at him? Just because he's wearing those mirrored, wrap-around shades Inside the bar here, don't mean he can't see you. And that Hogan-Stache he sports, pretty much says "You're fucking with the wrong dude." Just fucking sit still, Shemp. Casey Tinklewater is that man's name. To some people, he is more than a Goddamn Man... He is a Goddamn Legend. And that's what he is... A walking...talking...Legend. Around here, it ain't no bad thing to be known as  One of Casey Tinklewater's drinkin' buddies. His buddies will beat the shit out of you  Then buy you dinner, because they're decent fucking people. He is probably the biggest, dumb, sack-of-shit I ever met, too. The only guy in the history of Coleman County To repeat all four years of hig...

By:  Brandon Schlong Written: Wee hours of the morn Nov. 28, 2006 Fucked and Formatted: April/2013 rEUBENICKENOBICKLe What the Goddamn-hell d’ya mean ? Of course, I did!  Like, fuckin’ three, four hours! Jeez-uss Harold Christ on the Shitter! W-w-w-w-w-what the shit is this, anyways? Of course!  I’m Goddamn great! I already told you…like three hours! Yeah? Well, I ain’t Goddamn lyin’ about this ! What the fuck is with all the looks yer givin’ me? Hey, there!  Mr.  Tollackson!  Hey, Larry! Yeah, my wife here thi… Yes, good morning Stephanie. Larr ...!  Oh, absolutely gorgeous. Yes…yes…yes, indeedee-o. You and Larry off to the vineyards this weekend? Beautiful... Excuse me, please…Steph…Larry… You better Goddamn not start walkin’ away again! Y…?  Yeah! Seems it must be opening night of: "Inquisition By The Davenport.” The latest comedy by Arthur Dickerson, Cause you’re  fuckin’ laughin’...