THE RATASS GAZETTE

"So I'm killing time writhing..." - We can't get enough Brian Regan stand-up. Here's some great stuff about going to the emergency room. I like the line about calling an ambulance for yourself, "Can you come get me? Just come on in, I'll be lying on the floor." And the bit about the broken-femur-guy at the end is gold. It's pretty much non-stop gut-busting material. Enjoy! More Brian Regan in The RATASS Gazette ... Classic Stand-Up Comedy ... Brian Regan Classic Stand-Up Comedy ... Brian Regan, Part Deux  

"You ever not buy anything in the supermarket and try to get out of there? It's impossible." - Here is some classic stand-up from the great Jerry Seinfeld. He riffs on supermarkets for a good five minutes, including some funny bits about the produce section, seedless watermelons, and milk. On fruit: "See the way that's fading left? That one's not ready." Cracks me up every time! Got to loooove the Sein.  

"I read good." - I could watch Brian Regan stand-up bits all day... and sometimes I do. Here's some hilarious stuff about reading that makes me laugh my ass off. Especially the part, "You never see a point / counterpoint show about reading." Gold!  For more Classic Stand-Up Comedy from Brian Regan, click here .

"I tell ya, I got the only car, dogs chase it and catch it." - Here's some dynamite stand-up from the one and only Rodney Dangerfield. I'm not sure of the exact year, but I'd guess 1970's. Tons of great eye-bugging and "I tell ya's" and "my wife" rants, I love it! Three minutes of killer material. Enjoy!

"24-hour banking? I don't have time for that."   - Get twice your recommended daily dose of laughs with some classic stand-up comedy from Steven Wright.  This is from his appearance on Comic Relief III (1989).  His deadpan/monotone combo cracks me up every time.  Enjoy! 

"How many S's are there in the word chicken?" - Here's some classic comedy from Freddy Soto, who was always a favorite of mine.  First up Soto delivers a hilarious bit about his father using the word "regardless" all the time, even when it didn't make sense.  After that (1:45) there's a great bit on cockroaches.  Really funny stuff, check it out! "If you don't see it on the left then look more lefter." - In this clip, Soto talks about coming home drunk when you live with your parents, and about how your parents love to wake you up the next morning to help with household chores.  Funny stuff!  This bit includes the line "look more lefter," which is one of my all-time favorites pieces of material.  Regardless! 

"You gotta love a sport where you can eat while you play it." - Here is some really funny Jim Gaffigan material, he's one of my favorite comedians.  First up is a bit on bowling.  Like Gaffigan, I love bowling, but let's face it... it's a lazy man's game and people who take it too seriously are nuts.  Check it out! "If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get in my house?" - Here's Gaffigan riffing on camping.  "You know who's a happy camper?  The guy leaving the campsite."  Some real gold in here, enjoy!

"I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bullshit." -  Looking for laughs?  Look no further!  Here's some timeless comedy from the mind of George Carlin.  I think most people can relate to these jokes.  Whether it's talking to some stupidiot on the phone or trying to get out of an annoying conversation at work, Carlin hits the nail on the head... "People are fucking boring!"

"If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it. That's my motto."   Oh, how I love these old Tim Allen stand-up routines!  He's a man, he loves tools, he loves engines, he grunts, he burps, he soups up his lawnmower and he's proud of it, dammit!  Here's a look back at some truly funny stuff from his early stand-up days.  All of this material was truly original at the time.  I used to think of him as "the hardware comedian" because his bits were all about duct tape and ladders.  Home Improvement was one of the biggest sitcoms of the 90's and almost all of the material for that series originated in his early stand-up.  A lot of comedians have bits about how men are different than women, but Tim Allen made a career off it!  Here is the "Rewires America" special in it's entirety (from YouTube, broken into 3 parts) and I've noted a few of my favorite lines and bits along the way.  Enjoy!    Here is Part 1 of "Tim ...

I love stand-up comedy, and I think Brian Regan is one of the best out there! A few clips here from his "Brian Regan Live" album. I encourage everybody I meet who has Netflix capabilities to check out his his half-hour "Comedy Central Presents" special! This guy has absolute gold material! The first is about making an ass out of yourself from a long ways away... Next, a completely true and sadly relatable feeling about playing softball as an adult. "There's not a whole lot more humbling in life..." Finally, my favorite bit about monster truck drivers and going to a mechanic when you don't know anything about cars. "What the hell are you talking about?" Haha!