Previewing the 2013 NASCAR Season, which opened with Jimmie Johnson's victory in the Daytona 500...
Hoo-boy, did y'all see that Daytoner race?! Dang, ol' Jimmie just wasn't gonna be beat. That's why he's the best, right there, boy. There some days he just ain't gonna be beat. Junior thought he was a-gonna win, so did The Little Lady, but they ain't. Because Jimmie said they ain't. That's all there was to it, boy.
Now, I mean no disrespect to Jimmie, but I think this here is Matt's year. Now again, I ain't never bad-mouthed Jimmie and I never will. I swear on my dear Aunt Mable's headstone that I ain't never said a bad word about Jimmie. But I'm tellin' ya, boy, this here is gonna be Matt's year.
Why? Well, for firstly, Matt's due. And for secondly, did you know he's got a new gas can man this year? He sure as shit does, my cousin Ernie told me so! That's gonna shave two hun-dernts of a second off their lap time, right there, boy. That new guy pours gas like my Uncle Randy takes a piss... fast and happy.
What do you mean my cousin Ernie doesn't know shit about NASCAR? My cousin Ernie could tell you the pee-ess-ahh on The 24 Car's right-rear tire, or how much elbow-grease you need to work a torque wrench. Heavens to Betsy, he's got pictures of The Intimidator on the walls of his lawnmower repair shop! So sayin' he don't know racin' is kinda like sayin' my Aunt Rose makes a good meatloaf... it just ain't true.
Plus, he once told me that the good teams don't just put air in their tires, they add oxygen, too. See, that's what makes them better teams, and I'll betcha didn't know that. Now didn't I tell you that boy knows his NASCAR?
So, to summarilize... this here is Matt's year, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my mud-flaps. And I just called my cousin Ernie and he says he does too know NASCAR better than you and if you don't like it you can kiss his mud-flaps, too.
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| Yee-haw! That there's a fast-drivin' car! |
Hoo-boy, did y'all see that Daytoner race?! Dang, ol' Jimmie just wasn't gonna be beat. That's why he's the best, right there, boy. There some days he just ain't gonna be beat. Junior thought he was a-gonna win, so did The Little Lady, but they ain't. Because Jimmie said they ain't. That's all there was to it, boy.
Now, I mean no disrespect to Jimmie, but I think this here is Matt's year. Now again, I ain't never bad-mouthed Jimmie and I never will. I swear on my dear Aunt Mable's headstone that I ain't never said a bad word about Jimmie. But I'm tellin' ya, boy, this here is gonna be Matt's year.
Why? Well, for firstly, Matt's due. And for secondly, did you know he's got a new gas can man this year? He sure as shit does, my cousin Ernie told me so! That's gonna shave two hun-dernts of a second off their lap time, right there, boy. That new guy pours gas like my Uncle Randy takes a piss... fast and happy.
What do you mean my cousin Ernie doesn't know shit about NASCAR? My cousin Ernie could tell you the pee-ess-ahh on The 24 Car's right-rear tire, or how much elbow-grease you need to work a torque wrench. Heavens to Betsy, he's got pictures of The Intimidator on the walls of his lawnmower repair shop! So sayin' he don't know racin' is kinda like sayin' my Aunt Rose makes a good meatloaf... it just ain't true.
Plus, he once told me that the good teams don't just put air in their tires, they add oxygen, too. See, that's what makes them better teams, and I'll betcha didn't know that. Now didn't I tell you that boy knows his NASCAR?
So, to summarilize... this here is Matt's year, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my mud-flaps. And I just called my cousin Ernie and he says he does too know NASCAR better than you and if you don't like it you can kiss his mud-flaps, too.
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