THE RATASS GAZETTE

Tom Cochrane - Life is a Highway - Live on Leno 1992  RANDOM THOUGHTS ... I've always liked this song, and this is a rockin' performance of it on Leno. Way better than his appearance on Letterman , where they played a shortened version of the tune (without some of the harmonica parts and such) and things just seemed off. Here, however, things are tight and they sound fantastic. Mr. Cochrane plays the heck out of that harmonica, too. This is pretty much as good as it gets on a late-night show, he nails it. Awesome performance. ... I really like that Cochrane jogged up and sat down for a little chat after he rocked the house. It's the late-night equivalent of athletes giving interviews immediately after a game, when they're all sweaty and out of breath. Anyway, after some decent banter about Canada ("I spent a lot of time up there during, uh, Vietnam years"), Leno asks him a great question: How did you come up with the idea for this song? It's a ques...

Nirvana - Come As You Are - 1992 RANDOM THOUGHTS ... For me, this song is a time machine. Every time I hear the opening guitar riff, I'm instantly transported to 1992. I'm back in school talking to my friends about this new tape called  Nevermind that we all bought, and how much we all liked it. I'm back in my parents' living room watching this video on MTV with my brothers and saying "Nirvarna Rules" in a Butt-head voice. I'm back in the passenger seat of my mom's car, making her listen to this new tape I just bought, trying to explain to her why I liked it so much (and probably not really succeeding all that much at the time). Sometimes the time warp feels so real it gives me the chills... and I love it. Excellent times. Excellent song.

#5: Hacksaw Jim Duggan's Clothesline RANDOM THOUGHTS ... I know what you're thinking: This move is WAY too weak to be top five. It's just a simple clothesline, for Chrissakes! And you're right, it is just a simple clothesline... But that's exactly what makes it so awesome. Other wrestlers give clotheslines routinely, but do they ever knock a guy down for the three-count? Rarely! When Duggan does it they need to a call a stretcher for the other guy. Plus, Duggan's clotheslines are powered by the people and fueled by the flag. How dare you call this move weak? U-S-A! U-S-A! 

Poison - Fallen Angel - 1988 RANDOM THOUGHTS ... I love this song. I've been a fan of Poison for 25 years now. I used to watch MTV all the time when this song came out in 1988, and I mean all the time . Yet I had never seen this video until today. How the hell is that even possible? It seems impossible, right? ... I like the little 30-second intro video with the family at the dinner table. Kind of explains the meaning of the song, and tells us what we're about to see. I don't think Poison did a lot of those. Then again, "Talk Dirty to Me" is pretty straight forward. ... I almost didn't recognize Bret Michaels in this vid without his trademark bandana and trademark three girls on each arm. Instead, at times, he's got a red hat that barely fits over hair that's bigger than C.C.'s (not really). It's not a bad look. I wonder when he started going exclusively bandana in public? I'll have to do some research. ... I've said for years tha...

Rank These Curtis Armstrong Movies: __ Risky Business __ Revenge of the Nerds __ Better Off Dead __ One Crazy Summer __ Revenge of the Nerds II Known Brandon Schlong Aliases:   - Harold Schlafli - Harold Richard Baker - Bob Donovan - Luigi Ponderosa - Rudy Bagelman - Maurice Lester - Tarkin Kott - Bird Billson - Ricky French What Is Your Favorite Brandon Schlong Dance Move?   1) The Super-Slow Running Man 2) The Checkerboard (AKA The Jiggler) 3) The Uncle Jim 4) The Burger Dance Do You Agree That Trick Questions Are For Shit?   A) Emerald B) Sapphire  C) Ruby  D) Garnet  Do This Right Now:   Count to ten as fast as you can,  using your best  James Hetfield voice  on the number ten.  Failed RATASS Gazette Business Ventures:   + Morning Dump Energy-Lax + 45 Degree Angle Shelves + 1-Sided Dice  Answer Key: * In order to get a Mantra you must speak Sanskrit. 

Skulls and Cross-bones smile like an armband boisterously A brainwashing formula I have yet to discover leaves me grizzled With Spectral Illusions and dilated pupils  The liquor is calling out to me again I don't even fancy a drink Emesis Volcano with Oriental Eyes A liberating vision, A spiritual Earthquake My armor is like Tempered Steel An Atomic surge, similar to Treason Purges the once permanent contaminations My temples pulsed with purple veins  As I penetrated the Blood-Thirsty Dungeon I deciphered the hidden literature And dealt with razor-sharp abdominal pains The Blood is back...I can feel it The cigarettes lay idle next to an old fashioned typewriter My fists balled... Celebrated aspirin ingested, my cerebral functions decline A mad-house Collapse What have I done to myself? Who is it that listens increasingly interested to my misfortunes? A Tsunami of Belligerence, Immaculate and Super-Charged Echoed in Nightmare-Land,...

- Geddy Lee's first wife bought him a placard    that read  "Bless This Vest," along with a    99.99% Pure Silver Crucifix   for their first anniversary. - The band Ugly Kid Joe was formerly known as   "The Goof-Around Boys." - Glenn Danzig was credited as   "Assistant Music Consultant"   on  Sega CD's 1992 video-game   "The Secret of Monkey Island." - Vince Neil snorted cocaine out of   Sam Kinison's open palm one time. - Judas Priest's 1982 LP was originally titled   "Screaming For Vergeltungswaffe." - Lemmy Kilmister is a classically trained unicyclist. - During a visit to the Alamo,   Rikki Rockett urinated in the    toilet of the  men's room.   He then, thoroughly washed his hands   and rounded up his family. - Bon Jovi's David Bryan also plays   keyboards  for New Jersey's   "Sandwich Meat and the Strap-On Twins." - In 1987, Scott Ian was bri...

Brandon Schlong Prefers: A) SpaghettiOs Original B) SpaghettiOs w/Meatballs C) SpaghettiOs w/Franks D) Beenie Weenies Rank These Advertising Gurus: __ Ron Popeil __ Tony Little __ Billy Mays __ Richard Simmons How Do You Feel About This List? 1) Burgers 2) Bush 3) Moisture 4) Cyclops 5) Neptune 6) Nickel 7) Beaver 8) Shittin' 9) Leftover Meatloaf Who Says "Whoa!" The Best? A) Keanu Reeves (Bill & Ted) B) Joey Lawrence (Blossom) C) Mike Meyers (Wayne's World) Think About This: The night he thought the camera was rolling but it wasn't, and he just rocked out super-hardcore. It was desperate...just awful... What Do These Words Have To Do With Anything? 1) The Roller Den 2) Mr. Belvedere 3) Proctor/Police Acadamy 4) Slap Bracelets 5) Jack Tripper 6) Bodacious 7) Zack Morris 8) Dirty Hayride w/Naked Gravitron True Or False: Brandon Schlong invented the "Potato Chips as Chopsticks" concept.

Cyclotron + Plutocracy + Flop Sweat + MIRV + Merman + Carambola + Flying Saucer + Limburger + Saddle Horse + Loganberry + Fiddlesticks + Mustard Gas + Baronial + Roundhead + Rubella + Antidote + Thermal Pollution + Unbosom + Abatoir + Insalubrious + Ensnare + Acid Rain + Ill-Bred + Rosewater + Turncoat + Indomitable + Corpulent + Beat It, Rummy + Titan + Retro-Rocket+ Screamin' Meemies + Phrenology + Fairyland + Gormandizer + Laser Beam + Venus Fly-Trap + Harmonium + Maze + Aquanaut + Cryptogram + Plebian + Gramophone + Knout + ICBM + Anglophobe + Demoralize + Tong + No Shave Beach + Rook + Encode + Tincture + Technocracy + Beaver Hunt + Nebulous + Rogue + Spindly + Flying Fish + Pyrrhic + Merrymaking + Vampire Bat + Cytoplasm + Sobriquet + Fuel Cell + Water Course + Geomagnetic + Bible Water + Bagel Bender + Genetically Modified Man-Beast + Neptunium + Oubliette + Frogman + Solar Collector + Frolicsome + Lodestone + Speakeasy + Neutron Bomb + Mexican Jumping Beans + Photosphere + ...

- Alice Cooper drinks a tall glass of    ice-water  then shouts, "Let's Rock!"    into a mirror  before hitting the stage. - Klaus Meine was the tallest kid in his class. - Neil Young played harmonica on    Venom's "Black Metal." - Michael Anthony often substitutes    his  live concert "Bass Solo"    with a "High-Alto Solo." - Vinnie Paul's drum stool has a built in    drainage pipe, with replaceable    1-time-use seat covers and a    Barbecue Sauce  Stick-Dippin' Drum. - Oderous Urungus builds model    Space-Ships on cocaine, as a hobby. - Blackie Lawless prepared a    Pineapple  Upside-Down Cake on    Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood one time. - Paul Stanley's original, vocal intro to    KISS's "Heaven's On Fire" was    190 seconds  l ong.  - Matt Sorum titled his auto-biography    "Snare-To...