THE RATASS GAZETTE

Hi, yourself. Jerk.  Oh? You didn't realize I have been up for hours working on my computer stuff?  I was sitting there in my room. I was trying to concentrate...okay?  I maximize my time. Maximize . Maximization, shit-head. Uh, yes. I do know what that fucking word means. Taking care of business , that's what it fucking means. Look it up, Billy. Pfft... Billy ...what are you, a fucking 7 year-old?  A God-Damned, 33 year-old " man " named Billy ... Either way, it's something you wouldn't even know about... You don't need to "Google" anything, asshole. What the fuck are you doing anyway? Making a fucking mess , it looks like.  No...seriously...go right on ahead...let's use the paper-towels that I bought. Wiping up butchered, animal meat and blood...why not?  Remember, I'm just a fucking vegetarian .  You know, completely opposed to the cruel living conditions And the insanely, inhumane treatment of animals...

"I say we stomp him!" ( "Yeah!" ) "Then we tattoo 'im!" ( "Yeah!" ) "Then we hang 'im!" ( "Yeah!" ) "And then we kill 'im!" ( "YEAH!!!" ) RANDOM THOUGHTS ... Not only is this a classic scene from one of my all-time favorite movies, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure , but I'd say it's one of the Top 10 Funniest Movie Scenes ever, right? I had a hard time picking a favorite line from this scene, there's just too many good ones! No matter how many times I've seen this I still think it's hilarious. 

EMF - Unbelievable (Live) - 1991   RANDOM THOUGHTS ... This video is great on so many levels. First of all, EMF's "Unbelievable" was my favorite song for a good solid two years after it was released. Even after all of my friends had moved on to newer, cooler stuff like Kriss Kross and Sir Mix-a-Lot, I was still claiming "Unbelievable" as my number one. (Although I'll admit Kriss Kross's "Jump" challenged it there for a while. Looking back, I probably said the words 'miggity  miggity  miggity  miggity mac daddy' waaay more than any rural Midwestern child ever should have.)  Second of all, these guys rock the house in this performance.  The drum beat kicks ass. The bass player is rocking and so is the bass line he's laying down. I love the loud wah-infused outro guitar solo (3:30) in this song -- which is on my list of Top 5 Outro Guitar Solos , along with Ozzy's "Bark at the Moon" and Pat Benetar's "H...

Random Notes: 'Don't Stop Me Now' is the best Queen song ever recorded... Very few people agree with me. "Fucking Bohemian Rhapsody, brah! It's fucking Bohemian Rhapsody! That's the number one! I'll fucking waste you!!! Your ass is grass, dude! Eat shit and die, queer-bait! Rrrrrhhaaapsssoddddeeeeeee-luh!!!" some idiots might spit out. I am biased because it is my favorite Queen song. It was reportedly written by Freddie Mercury floating naked in his bath-tub probably eyeballs deep in filthy bath-water...high on cocaine and thinking about dudes. Reportedly...? My Aunt Helen !!! Am I right, folks?  That story is real...   Or, maybe it's completely fabricated. Maybe, I'm confusing that story with some other shit. Maybe, I'm so effed up, I wouldn't know the difference between a toilet and my dinner-plate. Maybe, at a Mexican-person party they throw flour tortillas into the air and shoot guns at them for some rea...

A zombie Dipsomaniac co-habitated with the rusty-haired virgin A cosmic inferno of Lechery  Mutation of the human psyche caused him violent erections... And full-color sensations The Labyrinth of Illicit Sex Acts aroused A Madman compulsion to shave her genitalia The Symbolism of Her as hairless She unfolded her legs for my lubricated aphrodisiac  The flourishing fireball manually deleted She gripped me tighter... I am elongated as my tongue separated her lips  Surreal hysteria as she thrusts her hips Chest to chest, Magnetically attracted  Our Energy Field is oiled with flavored sex Our bodies inter-locked and greasy I am fully engorged and inserted The vacuum of Electricity peaking... The Alpha Male Syndrome My fantasy dwindling  As the mundane Glow of a flickering candle burns Ultra-Violet My urges neutralized Adrenaline traveling limply throughout my nervous system Serpentine scents overwhelmed my Martian Identity Withdrawl symptoms a...