Crazy the Wildman
W/Dummyfreak
Vox: Crazy the Wildman
Lead Guitar: Nectar Jigsaw
Bass: Cig Lathe
Keyboards: "Flamboyant" Freddy Mitrebox
Drums: Sammy "The Trainwreck" Riphammer
Addt'l Bass: Terry Ladle
(Interviewed by: Brandon Schlong)
(Tape Begins)
Brandon Schlong: (Wisconsin sounding) So, do you think about dying, ever?
Crazy the Wildman: (In a boorish, Cockney accent) Well, you see...to me...dying is like...uh, a part of religion, right? Right. Dying is like, a part of the end of my mortal being. And, thinking about religion makes me think of where we came from, or rather...uh, the way I think about it is more...uh, like...instead of where we came from...right. It's like, where are we going? What are we going to evolve into? What galaxy are we...
Brandon Schlong: I'm just gonna cut you off right there. I know you're a rock-star and you're just waiting to tell the world about your religious beliefs and your LSD inspired excursions depicting Heaven and Hell. But, you know what? We've got limited tape, and to be brutally honest...nobody cares about religion anymore. Okay...? Nobody. People want to hear about music, song writing, song interpretations, partying and studio magic...the good shit. Like, what circumstances could have possibly led up to the recording of 1986's poorly received "Clown Immortal" LP? That album was co-written by incarcerated serial killer and future lethal-injection recipient, John Wayne Gacy, right? Seriously, who the fuck came up with that?
(Silence)
Brandon Schlong: And, what the Hell really happened on stage during June 27, 1988's ill-fated "Sober Metal Benefit" stadium show with co-headliner Stryper that resulted in the arrests of all six members of your band, the arrests of nineteen Crazy the Wildman w/Dummyfreak crew-members and the hospitalization of all four Stryper musicians? They took those guys to the hospital in a fucking helicopter, for God's sake! That's, what we should probably talk about. We can discuss a lot of things, because I've got my list of topics right here: Crazy's still-unbroken, 1979 Guinness World Record for "longest sustained scream." The band's 1977 octuple-platinum single "God of Cocaine/Cocaine Disco." The well-publicized controversy surrounding 1989's experimental and largely-unlistenable, all-backwards, Triple-LP "Tnediserp Nacirema Eht Etanissassa." Whatever you guys want, okay? Crazy? Yeah? Great. Great! You guys cool?
(Sounds of mutual agreement)
Brandon Schlong: So...fuck! Is it warm in here? Hanh? Who even knows, right? Guys, getting back on track here, how many layers of guitar did you use on your 1975 Top 100 single "I Punched Some Lady at the Roller-Den," anyway? Nectar, this probably more up your alley.
Nectar Jigsaw: (In a nasally, Hillingdon accent) Well...naturally we used eight guitar tracks, as I like to call 'em. Say it: tracks.
Brandon Schlong: Yeah, tracks...right.
Nectar Jigsaw: Originally, we was going with six tracks, an' I was just sittin' in the lil' booth with me lil' 'ed-phones on an' I got to thinkin'...this fuckin' light mate! It was a bloody, pansy-dripping mess, man! So, I says: 'We need two more tracks! End of fucking story!' Remember, boys?
(Sounds of merriment and reminiscing)
Brandon Schlong: (Mumbling under breath) Tracks...it just shows that some people's vernacular has not ascended any higher than their uneducated, adolescent, inner-selves...
Crazy and Cig Lathe: (In unison) What was that, fucker?
Brandon Schlong: Oh...oh, nothing. Just had a booger in my throat. Now, Cig...you always have a cigarette in your mouth...what's the deal with that?
Cig Lathe: (In a sophisticated, Cockney accent) Well, when you is born with th' name "Cig"...you know your life is pretty much predetermined.
Terry Ladle: (In a snotty, West Midlands accent) Hey, man...don't be a sod, lad. You wasn't born with th' name "Cig." People always was remarking 'ow you smoke them 'and rolled ciggies, so naturally, the group of blokes you always are with, started callin'...
Crazy the Wildman: Ayyyyy, man! You're not even in the group...! You just play second-chair bass guitar on the complex, bass-riff laden songs that Cig writes when ee's at 'ome sittin' in the rub-a-dub tub with one 'and on his doobie cig and 'is other 'and on 'is blinky, and you go and try to destroy the legend of Cig Lathe?
Terry Ladle: Fuck, man! Settle down!
(Sounds of a table being flipped on its side)
Terry Ladle: Christ, man! What are you doing? Hey...
(Choking Noises)
Terry Ladle: Ayyyyy!
(Inaudible)
(Tape Ends)
W/Dummyfreak
Vox: Crazy the Wildman
Lead Guitar: Nectar Jigsaw
Bass: Cig Lathe
Keyboards: "Flamboyant" Freddy Mitrebox
Drums: Sammy "The Trainwreck" Riphammer
Addt'l Bass: Terry Ladle
(Interviewed by: Brandon Schlong)
(Tape Begins)
Brandon Schlong: (Wisconsin sounding) So, do you think about dying, ever?
Crazy the Wildman: (In a boorish, Cockney accent) Well, you see...to me...dying is like...uh, a part of religion, right? Right. Dying is like, a part of the end of my mortal being. And, thinking about religion makes me think of where we came from, or rather...uh, the way I think about it is more...uh, like...instead of where we came from...right. It's like, where are we going? What are we going to evolve into? What galaxy are we...
Brandon Schlong: I'm just gonna cut you off right there. I know you're a rock-star and you're just waiting to tell the world about your religious beliefs and your LSD inspired excursions depicting Heaven and Hell. But, you know what? We've got limited tape, and to be brutally honest...nobody cares about religion anymore. Okay...? Nobody. People want to hear about music, song writing, song interpretations, partying and studio magic...the good shit. Like, what circumstances could have possibly led up to the recording of 1986's poorly received "Clown Immortal" LP? That album was co-written by incarcerated serial killer and future lethal-injection recipient, John Wayne Gacy, right? Seriously, who the fuck came up with that?
(Silence)
Brandon Schlong: And, what the Hell really happened on stage during June 27, 1988's ill-fated "Sober Metal Benefit" stadium show with co-headliner Stryper that resulted in the arrests of all six members of your band, the arrests of nineteen Crazy the Wildman w/Dummyfreak crew-members and the hospitalization of all four Stryper musicians? They took those guys to the hospital in a fucking helicopter, for God's sake! That's, what we should probably talk about. We can discuss a lot of things, because I've got my list of topics right here: Crazy's still-unbroken, 1979 Guinness World Record for "longest sustained scream." The band's 1977 octuple-platinum single "God of Cocaine/Cocaine Disco." The well-publicized controversy surrounding 1989's experimental and largely-unlistenable, all-backwards, Triple-LP "Tnediserp Nacirema Eht Etanissassa." Whatever you guys want, okay? Crazy? Yeah? Great. Great! You guys cool?
(Sounds of mutual agreement)
Brandon Schlong: So...fuck! Is it warm in here? Hanh? Who even knows, right? Guys, getting back on track here, how many layers of guitar did you use on your 1975 Top 100 single "I Punched Some Lady at the Roller-Den," anyway? Nectar, this probably more up your alley.
Nectar Jigsaw: (In a nasally, Hillingdon accent) Well...naturally we used eight guitar tracks, as I like to call 'em. Say it: tracks.
Brandon Schlong: Yeah, tracks...right.
Nectar Jigsaw: Originally, we was going with six tracks, an' I was just sittin' in the lil' booth with me lil' 'ed-phones on an' I got to thinkin'...this fuckin' light mate! It was a bloody, pansy-dripping mess, man! So, I says: 'We need two more tracks! End of fucking story!' Remember, boys?
(Sounds of merriment and reminiscing)
Brandon Schlong: (Mumbling under breath) Tracks...it just shows that some people's vernacular has not ascended any higher than their uneducated, adolescent, inner-selves...
Crazy and Cig Lathe: (In unison) What was that, fucker?
Brandon Schlong: Oh...oh, nothing. Just had a booger in my throat. Now, Cig...you always have a cigarette in your mouth...what's the deal with that?
Cig Lathe: (In a sophisticated, Cockney accent) Well, when you is born with th' name "Cig"...you know your life is pretty much predetermined.
Terry Ladle: (In a snotty, West Midlands accent) Hey, man...don't be a sod, lad. You wasn't born with th' name "Cig." People always was remarking 'ow you smoke them 'and rolled ciggies, so naturally, the group of blokes you always are with, started callin'...
Crazy the Wildman: Ayyyyy, man! You're not even in the group...! You just play second-chair bass guitar on the complex, bass-riff laden songs that Cig writes when ee's at 'ome sittin' in the rub-a-dub tub with one 'and on his doobie cig and 'is other 'and on 'is blinky, and you go and try to destroy the legend of Cig Lathe?
Terry Ladle: Fuck, man! Settle down!
(Sounds of a table being flipped on its side)
Terry Ladle: Christ, man! What are you doing? Hey...
(Choking Noises)
Terry Ladle: Ayyyyy!
(Inaudible)
(Tape Ends)
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