THE RATASS GAZETTE

THEY RATE THE EXPERTS - If you're like me and you play fantasy football, you've probably read columns by fantasy football experts in your research before setting your lineup.  ESPN has many of them, and I consume them weekly.  But have you ever wondered if these guys are actually that good at ranking players each week?  For as funny as Matthew Berry is (and I actually think he's very funny, I download and listen to his podcast often), does he actually give me good fantasy football advice? That's where the website Fantasy Pros comes in.  Their site ranks the experts for me!  Fantasy Pros is tracking 59 of the most popular fantasy football experts this year, and they rate them using a well-executed Accuracy formula .  I was blown away by the research available on the site, and they've added even more features this year.  I highly recommend this website to anyone who is looking to get an extra edge in their league, it's excellent. Here are some thi...

The Smithereens - "A Girl Like You" - Just a gentle reminder from The Smithereens that you don't need to be good looking to be in a band. Was it in almost every band's contract during the 80's to put out a "behind-the-scenes-look-at-us-horsing-around-while-we-make-this-video" video? "Look at these guys! The drummer was drumming on his shoes and then used that one guy's head as a cymbal! What a bunch of cards!" Of course, it has to be in black and white, because...well, just because. But, beneath all of the 1980's cheese, you actually have a pretty rocking song. Solid guitars coupled with power ballad lyrics guaranteed to melt the heart of any soccer mom you might be courting. Although, the lyrics are a little awkward at times: "I'll do anything I have to do, just to win the love of a girl like you." In other words: "Your love really isn't worth all of this damn trouble, but I'll do it anyways. That...

I hear people trash the computer rankings used by the BCS all the time.  They say the computers "hate" the Wisconsin Badgers or the computers "love" Oklahoma State.  People say things like, "Well, our team would be ranked higher, but the computers are holding us down." From the media I consume and the people I talk to, I'd say most people distrust the computer rankings and would be happier if they were removed from the BCS rankings completely.  I totally disagree.  In fact, I believe the human polls should be removed from the BCS formula and only the computer rankings should be used. I'd argue that the computer rankings are the only fair way we have to sort these teams out.  Please, read the methodology used by Richard Billingsley in his Billingsley Report (one of the six computer rankings used by the BCS) and tell me it doesn't make complete sense.  Moreover, tell me that the coaches polled each week put even 1/100th of that kind of ...

Green Day - Welcome to Paradise - Live on Conan O'Brien in 1994 This episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien originally aired on NBC in March of '94, about a month after Dookie was released, and according to the clip it is Green Day's first TV appearance.  It cracks me up when they let the guitar feed back during Conan's intro.  Also, at the end of the song, Tre Cool takes off running somewhere, which would become a staple every time they performed on a late-night show.  Classic! 

Well, we're here.  The Christian Ponder Era begins.  The Minnesota Vikings have started 1-5, and they're going to turn QB duties over to rookie Christian Ponder in Week 7.  That means veteran Donovan McNabb is headed to the bench, and while the move seems reasonable, I don't necessarily agree with the decision. I've been a McNabb apologist this season.  I honestly don't believe it's McNabb's fault they're 1-5 right now.  The offensive line looks terrible, and it appears releasing Bryant McKinnie before the season was a huge mistake.  It's also not McNabb's fault that Bernard Berrian can't get open and that Percy Harvin was put on a low snap count (for some unexplained reason) early in the season.  Those woes can not be blamed on McNabb.  He's just working with what they gave him, which other than Adrian Peterson, is not much. McNabb has not played poorly this year, and he hasn't played great, either.  His numbers (4 TD, 2 INT, 60...

"How's life on the red planet?" - This is way up on my list of favorite Seinfeld episodes (Season 8, Ep 8, "The Chicken Roaster").  A Kenny Rogers Roasters chicken restaurant opens right across the street from Kramer, and their neon sign invades Kramer's place with eternal red light, so he and Jerry switch apartments.  A lot of laughs from the K-Man in this clip, plus we get some Newman and an appearance by Mr. Marbles.  Enjoy!

With the Green Bay Packers dominating the NFL lately, starting 5-0 after winning the Super Bowl last season, much attention has been given to quarterback Aaron Rodgers... and not just because of his gaudy stats.  I recently saw a TV ad for insurance featuring Rodgers, where customers mimic his popular touchdown celebration as they get a discounted rate!  It's actually a pretty funny commercial.  Although I'm a Vikings fan, I can't deny Rodgers' supremacy right now. But of course, even Rodgers would tell you that the Belt Move originated in pro wrestling, where guys have been doing it for years (and where they actually win belts!).  That reminded me of a great piece ESPN ran last year focusing on the Rodgers' TD celebration and featuring an assessment by WWE great Triple H.  This is one of the best clips ESPN has ever aired on Sunday NFL Countdown, check it out!

Your day is not complete until you've heard the master of sound effects, Michael Winslow, impersonate Jimi Hendrix!  This bit is brilliantly dead-on, and he does it all: Tuning his guitar, the Jimi voice, and fuzz-fueled whammy bar dive-bombs.  All I can say is, How the hell does he DO that?!  Check it out! 

Zebra - "Tell Me What You Want" - I heard this on Dee Snider's House of Hair recently and it blew me away!  It's got killer vocals, a killer guitar solo, and a kick-ass descending chord progression.  And, as you'll see, the video is everything you'd expect from Zebra... which probably isn't much.  Enjoy!  Zebra - Tell Me What You Want RANDOM THOUGHTS - This is the opening track off Zebra's self-titled 1983 debut album.  I've always wondered why bands opt for no album name?  Just make something up, for crying out loud!  How about this: Heaven Ain't For Sinners .  That's a perfectly good album title for a hard rock band, and I've got a hundred of them like that!   0:19 - Enter the mysterious tigress.  As far as I can tell, there are four main elements to this "narrative":  The tiger-woman, lead singer Randy Jackson, a mannequin, and a red door.  What does all this symbolism mean?  Well, it probably means they...

Tired of simply scarfing down your burger patties and dumping your tray in the garbage can?  Add some fun to your meal!  Introducing the Trash Burger.  Try this the next time you're out at a fast food burger joint... Eat your food.   This step is very important.  If you do not eat your food, you will not have any trash, and thus, no Trash Burger. Lay one of your empty burger wrappers flat on your tray and pile your trash in the center of it.  Your trash will typically consist of things like empty ketchup packets, those disgusting pickle slices you're too smart to eat, and the beard net of the stoner chef who made your sandwich.  Note:  Solid-colored burger wrappers work well, and those foil Dairy Queen wrappers are the best because you can't see through them.   Fold the corners of your burger wrapper around the trash pile and mold it until it looks like a burger.  Try your best to make it look like it did when you first unwr...